Football Manager Approaches
Average Rating: 8/10 Hits: 3201 Submitted: Apr 15, 2008
With the release of TT&F recently, I feel it only appropriate that I cement my reputation as a true 'guru' and put onto electronic paper my methods for success. I haven't done the in-depth testing of wwfan or The next Diaby in their admirable attempts at synthesis in TT&F or CWP, but I am convinced that FMA will become as seminal as both of those works - if not better.
This guide is simple - a selection of approaches which will guarentee you success. In fact, I would say it's borderline cheating to read this guide, it's that good. Just follow these quick and simple ideas and you will take your team from the bottom to the top in just a handful of seasons.
1. Never quit the game while on a winning streak
If you quit the game while you're winning, the game will automatically make you lose the next one. In order to make the game only accessable to those who have 10 hours a day to dedicate to the game, SI deliberately make it easier to win if you keep playing. So, the reason wwfan et al have great success isn't because they know what they're doing, it's simply because they never turn their computer off. Do the same. Even if you only can play two or three matches an evening, leave the game on overnight until you next need to use it. It really is the only way.
2. Never choose a big club
In another attempt to rip off their customers, SI deliberately make it impossible to win with big clubs. You will create millions of chances, but will never score. If you choose small clubs, however, you are guarenteed to "trick" the AI into helping you win. The approach will never fail, until your club become a big club. Then you must move immediately back to a smaller club such as Blyth, Hayes or Boca Juniors.
3. FM responds to gravity
Always, I repeat, always turn your monitor 90 degrees so that the opposition's goal is on your desk. If you do this, the ball will fall more towards that goal. It is possible if you do this right to win by many, many goals. Clearly, this option works only about a sixth as well on the moon, but the chances of you playing the game on the moon are slim to none.
It is most important that you remember to turn the monitor 180 degrees at half time. Otherwise the effect will be reversed.
4. Always look away from the screen when the opposition have the ball
Recent tests on the SIG forums appear to indicate that SI opperated a match engine policy of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". Providing you remain mute, cover your ears and look away when the opposition have the ball, the AI team will find it impossible to score. Be very careful with this approach, however. I once wore a scarf around my head with ear plugs in and I finished a season with 46 0-0 draws with Crystal Palace. It is important that from time to time you look back at the screen, but not for too long lest you catch too much of a glimpse of the opposition.
5. The AI is a godless heathen
Praying is scientifically proven to help you win at Football Manager. As the AI has not been baptised, God cannot help but favour you - even if you're Jewish.
6. You can get a favourable cup draw by singing Leona Lewis's Bleeding Love while viewing the draw
PCs are sensitive pieces of equipment, and respond poorly to major changes in ambient air viabrations. Leona Lewis changes tone in just the right places to make the game engine draw you at home to non-league teams in every round of the cup. Combined with good tactical decisions, you can easily win every cup competition you enter.
Macs are, obviously, more stable, so try Loving You by Minnie Ripperton.
Conclusions
You don't need tactical know-how or patience to win at FM. All you need is my knowledge of the inner working of PCs and the game engine to gain unparalelled success. It is, perhaps, a shame that this game is still too easy to win. Many of these problems should have been cleared up in the 8.0.2 patch but, as usual, SI left us too many loop holes. Sophisticated match engine my arse.
If you quit the game while you're winning, the game will automatically make you lose the next one. In order to make the game only accessable to those who have 10 hours a day to dedicate to the game, SI deliberately make it easier to win if you keep playing. So, the reason wwfan et al have great success isn't because they know what they're doing, it's simply because they never turn their computer off. Do the same. Even if you only can play two or three matches an evening, leave the game on overnight until you next need to use it. It really is the only way.
2. Never choose a big club
In another attempt to rip off their customers, SI deliberately make it impossible to win with big clubs. You will create millions of chances, but will never score. If you choose small clubs, however, you are guarenteed to "trick" the AI into helping you win. The approach will never fail, until your club become a big club. Then you must move immediately back to a smaller club such as Blyth, Hayes or Boca Juniors.
3. FM responds to gravity
Always, I repeat, always turn your monitor 90 degrees so that the opposition's goal is on your desk. If you do this, the ball will fall more towards that goal. It is possible if you do this right to win by many, many goals. Clearly, this option works only about a sixth as well on the moon, but the chances of you playing the game on the moon are slim to none.
It is most important that you remember to turn the monitor 180 degrees at half time. Otherwise the effect will be reversed.
4. Always look away from the screen when the opposition have the ball
Recent tests on the SIG forums appear to indicate that SI opperated a match engine policy of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". Providing you remain mute, cover your ears and look away when the opposition have the ball, the AI team will find it impossible to score. Be very careful with this approach, however. I once wore a scarf around my head with ear plugs in and I finished a season with 46 0-0 draws with Crystal Palace. It is important that from time to time you look back at the screen, but not for too long lest you catch too much of a glimpse of the opposition.
5. The AI is a godless heathen
Praying is scientifically proven to help you win at Football Manager. As the AI has not been baptised, God cannot help but favour you - even if you're Jewish.
6. You can get a favourable cup draw by singing Leona Lewis's Bleeding Love while viewing the draw
PCs are sensitive pieces of equipment, and respond poorly to major changes in ambient air viabrations. Leona Lewis changes tone in just the right places to make the game engine draw you at home to non-league teams in every round of the cup. Combined with good tactical decisions, you can easily win every cup competition you enter.
Macs are, obviously, more stable, so try Loving You by Minnie Ripperton.
Conclusions
You don't need tactical know-how or patience to win at FM. All you need is my knowledge of the inner working of PCs and the game engine to gain unparalelled success. It is, perhaps, a shame that this game is still too easy to win. Many of these problems should have been cleared up in the 8.0.2 patch but, as usual, SI left us too many loop holes. Sophisticated match engine my arse.
